My Mom

Ohh.....my friends.

I have been gone from life, from blogging, from work, for two weeks, because I have been with my mom and my family.

My mom suffered a heart attack and then some more attacks, and then - surrounded by family, she died on June 27. I could use the euphemism, passed away - which I have used lately, but really - it's ok to say that she died. And well, actually, she was with only my brother at the moment of her passing death, because we had to clear the room and leave just my brother with her to let her know that it was ok to go, because when the five of us (my siblings) and our spouses (making the ten of us) and my aunt and uncle (her only surviving sibling out of five - oh, the symmetry :)) making the twelve of us - well, when we were all in the room, she wouldn't go.

Because my mom loved a party. And gossip. And chat. She loved to be in the know and with it and frankly, she always wanted to be cool. In fact, we buried her with the new open-toe sandals she'd purchased just a month ago, the better to show off her hot pink pedicure in the afterlife.

And yes, I do have to pause to sob a bit as this is typed, even as I sound flippant. The best offense against crippling grief is a good humorous defense, right?

As I write this and most of my posts over the next few days / weeks, I hope you come to know my mom. Because she was ahead of her time AND because she was an English teacher who even now, is probably hating that I just started some sentences with 'because' and 'and.' And yet, she would be so proud that I have a blog and I'm writing. :)

She was in pain and had suffered heart damage that was unrecoverable, yet - she didn't want to leave, because we were chatting about our memories and she clearly was trying to hear us. So my brother took the hit for the family team and stayed to hold her hand and let her know that she could leave us for that great classroom in the beyond.

I have to say - I never really knew that grief could leave a physical hole in the center of one's self. I miss my dad......but the fact that I can never again call my mom and ask her about the potato salad recipe or the correct way to write a thank you note for a hideous gift, or the proper response to a daughter when she has an issue with a mean girlfriend at age 30 when really, we all thought that the mean girls club ended after 8th grade....I am wrecked with the physical and mental grief.

But my siblings and I - the legacy she left us - among many other gifts - was the ability to be tough. And we pinky swore to stick together, and today is day 7 of the pinkyswear.

So that's good.

Guess what I got for Mom's Day?

My mom's legs.

Yep.  I looked down at my short little underpinnings yesterday and realized that I've been gifted with mom's legs.

And no, I didn't get a leg transplant, although if I hadn't spoken with her on Sunday morning, I might have thought that we'd been the victims of a vicious limb switch.  Actually, maybe we were - but at this point, it would be hard to tell.  Other than the scars from her bilateral knee replacements.

 Don't get me wrong - I love my legs.  They're strong and healthy and so far, replacement-free.  I can walk and run and work out with them, I can chase grandchildren, cabs and a 50% sale with them.  I can show off my calves and rock a pencil skirt with heels, and of course, I intend to honor them by purchasing shoes for them with MFT on the TandL trip. 

But I heard an ominous crackling in the right knee as I was doing yoga yesterday, I'm feeling a shooting pain down my left leg today (although that's probably a back issue - just another legacy from Mom, thanks!), and well.....the skin is starting to be ....let's just say - not so elastic.  And there are little gifts from the years of sun that are NOT cute little freckles.  And, there might have been some spiders leaving a few marks overnight.

Happy Mother's Legs Day!

Sighhhhh...(Leg twitter. Pulling on jeans.  Heavy sighing.  Dragging myself to mirror.  Hey! Cheering up at the sight of nice, dark-wash jeans with peep-toe pumps - decent line, makes my legs look a little longer, a little leaner.  Ignoring shooting pain telling me to wear sensible shoes.   Oops.  May need to quickly polish just big toes for shoes.  Nope, doesn't work.  Slumping into self-centered, inane worry, leg depression again.)  

Lulu's Sandbar

Bitsy Creations made me some new ads so I can get the word out a bit further about my etsy Sandbar - you should take a look at her store.  Thanks Bits!

Speaking of checking things out....when I walked into the gym tonight, two thirtyish guys walking out did the total head-to-toe checkout thing, and I'm thinking, "Wow, ok, maybe I still have it."  And I strutted a little bit into the locker room - and then, naturally I tripped and dropped my water bottle and it spilled.  But they didn't see.  So I was still a little proud of myself - I've been working out hard!

Of course, the conversation that they had as they walked out probably went like this:

Guy #1 "Man, I was so busy selling widgets today, I didn't have time for anything personal."

Guy #2 "Like what?"

Guy #1 "Oh well, you know, I had to check Match.com, and find that girl's number...and there's something else I have to do this weekend, but I just can't remember.. "

Guy#2 "What's that?"

Silence as they walk by me and check me out.

Guy #2 "So anyway, what were you saying about this weekend?"

Guy #1 "Yeah, I remember now - gotta pick up something for Mother's Day.  For my grandma."

Yup, probably.