The Mother of all Holidays

So....here we are. My sibs and I, about to experience the first holiday as true adults. As orphaned adults, that is...which is what I feel like tonight, after having spent the better part of two days unpacking my 'Mom and Dad house stuff'' plastic tubs and realizing over and over again, that both of my parents have passed on, crossed over, hit the penthouse, moved into a higher level of being....ok...I need to say it. They have died.

Ummmm....they're in a big sixties lounge in the sky.

See? Can't quite say it yet.

Anyway........

And I have to admit, when I cut away the bubble wrap on some of the stuff, I'm thinking...WTF? Because I packed up three of the tubs in August, when mom had been gone less than a month and I was a huge bundle of raw grieving nerves and had become a mom memory hoarder and every post it note / envelope / cocktail stirrer had meaning.

So I have some things here that - if she were here - my mom would be telling me to "Dump already!"

I so get the TLC hoarders right now.

Holiday stuff to come....

Hellooooooooooooooooooooo

Hi...all y'all.

I'm not sure that I remember how to post! And I just realized that it has been four months since I posted anything...a very crazy four months.

We closed out mom's house this past weekend, and I no longer have a home anchor in my home town. Sure, I can absolutely stay with any of my siblings but it's not quite the same as being able to hang out at mom and dad's house. I mean, the first thing I did when I walked into the house was open the fridge and stand there staring at it, grumbling that there wasn't anything to eat.

I could do that to my siblings, but they all have kids to fill that void....sighhhhhhh.

I needed the break, and now I need to stalk - I mean stake out my territory all over again. Maybe I mean blogitory. Or terriblog. But then it would just be creepy and scary.

So, ummm, anyway.

I'm back!

I'm WELL

...well, not so good actually. But as Mom was a grammar goddess, she terrorized...ummmmm, I mean she influenced entire generations to use correct grammar, and this was a particular pet peeve....when someone asks how you are, you answer politely - I'm well, thank you.

Not, I'm good. Or I suck. She really hated that.

She diagrammed - no, not diaphragmed, she was not a greinacologist - she taught hundreds of kids how to diagram sentences.

And I have to admit that I still suck at it, Mom!

So that's good.

:)

My Mom

Ohh.....my friends.

I have been gone from life, from blogging, from work, for two weeks, because I have been with my mom and my family.

My mom suffered a heart attack and then some more attacks, and then - surrounded by family, she died on June 27. I could use the euphemism, passed away - which I have used lately, but really - it's ok to say that she died. And well, actually, she was with only my brother at the moment of her passing death, because we had to clear the room and leave just my brother with her to let her know that it was ok to go, because when the five of us (my siblings) and our spouses (making the ten of us) and my aunt and uncle (her only surviving sibling out of five - oh, the symmetry :)) making the twelve of us - well, when we were all in the room, she wouldn't go.

Because my mom loved a party. And gossip. And chat. She loved to be in the know and with it and frankly, she always wanted to be cool. In fact, we buried her with the new open-toe sandals she'd purchased just a month ago, the better to show off her hot pink pedicure in the afterlife.

And yes, I do have to pause to sob a bit as this is typed, even as I sound flippant. The best offense against crippling grief is a good humorous defense, right?

As I write this and most of my posts over the next few days / weeks, I hope you come to know my mom. Because she was ahead of her time AND because she was an English teacher who even now, is probably hating that I just started some sentences with 'because' and 'and.' And yet, she would be so proud that I have a blog and I'm writing. :)

She was in pain and had suffered heart damage that was unrecoverable, yet - she didn't want to leave, because we were chatting about our memories and she clearly was trying to hear us. So my brother took the hit for the family team and stayed to hold her hand and let her know that she could leave us for that great classroom in the beyond.

I have to say - I never really knew that grief could leave a physical hole in the center of one's self. I miss my dad......but the fact that I can never again call my mom and ask her about the potato salad recipe or the correct way to write a thank you note for a hideous gift, or the proper response to a daughter when she has an issue with a mean girlfriend at age 30 when really, we all thought that the mean girls club ended after 8th grade....I am wrecked with the physical and mental grief.

But my siblings and I - the legacy she left us - among many other gifts - was the ability to be tough. And we pinky swore to stick together, and today is day 7 of the pinkyswear.

So that's good.

Happy Day

...to everyone who is a mom, who has a mom, who has been a mom in a previous life, who wants to be a mom, who hates being a mom but still does it well, who wishes their mom was alive this day, who struggles with mom (hang in there) and especially to all of those women - and men - who do the mom job so well, whether or not they have the official title.

You Rock!

Mom Called...

...and told me that she enjoyed her lunch on Tuesday. :)

She also told me to get my fanny - Mom never uses the word ass. She also doesn't like 'pea' as in 'I have to...' - she told me to get my fanny off the couch and get back to blogging.

Riiiiiiiight. Mom and the internet age? Not so much....I haven't told Mom yet that I didn't send a written thank you note to a friend for an event last month...shhhh. Don't upset her any further by telling her that I sent an email instead.

Hey, one thing that did get me moving out o' the house was the Kenny Chesney concert on Sunday night - well woooo hoooooooooo!!

I have always considered myself to be a rocker chick, but concerts like that could seriously change my mind. It was really cool - at an outdoor amphitheater and the weather was great, acoustics and background videos were cool. Also fronting for him is Lady Antebellum, which I helped book for a meeting for the Huge a few years ago when they were relatively unknown and didn't even have a record label yet- omigosh!

When I waved at them from my lawn seat?

They waved back!! I'm sure they remembered me!

But anyway. It was fun and the music was good and everybody sang along. So I've got that going for me.

Hey, check out the new MORE link over there - it's about trying to take ownership of the title 'cougar.' And....I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

But - Jo from The Fifty Factor is PUBLISHED AT MORE.COM!!!!! Go check her out.

Shwew....I'm exhausted.....back to AGT.

TaTa for now, as Tigger would say. Or Save the TaTa's, as we used to say in the mammography department.

Wow. I think I just took a wrong turn in Digressionville again.....

Don't MAKE me call your mom!!!

This is the phrase that myfriendTeri and I use when we haven't spoken in a week or so. As in..."I haven't heard from you and I don't know where you are in the world right now - don't make me call your mom to find out because then she'll worry and then I'll worry and it will all go really really bad."

So please don't call my mom because you haven't heard from me - although she would love to hear from my fives and tens! - because then I'll be in trouble. Prolly get grounded, and I have a baseball game and Kenny Chesney to see this weekend!

Apologies to my regulars for not posting and for not getting caught up on all y'all - it's been a lackadaisical week for me....last weekend we visited the cutest grandchild ever, and then this week I've come home from work every day, I've sunk into the couch and just....clicked through the channels. Over and over. Deep in thought..........

ok, deep into reality shows really.

Which requires no thought, except to gasp, "WHO is VOTING for gawd's sake??!!" when Ishaara got voted off AGT and "Ish!" when one of the new male chefs on Top Chef makes a sexist comment, and "What is THAT??!!" for the halter diaper on Project Runway.

No cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no blogging, no crafting.....just vegetating and mourning the end of summer.

So I'm back, and I'll try to check in all week. I promise. As long as you don't tell my mom that the dust in the house is two inches deep....

(BTW - I tried to find a cute clipart jpg of a mom shaking her finger? The number of perv sites that come up around the word 'mom' is mind-numbing.....)

Sad Tears, Happy Tears and PHLEGM

Hi. HI! HIHIHIHIHIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

I'm back! I had to fly Mom home, and then turned around and jumped on another plane to travel for Monday/Tuesday, had a work dinner last night and I'm FINALLY back!

I'm bezhausted, but I'm here.

So. The post below has been sitting in my draft file since last Saturday. I couldn't finish it originally because I was crying so hard that my contacts got all cloudy and my nose was running onto the keyboard and I hate phlegm. In fact, I hate the word phlegm. PHlegm. Flemm. Flemmmm. Ick. Even the word sounds icky. Yikes, when people hawk up something from their lungs that sounds like it's been there for 20 years....wait, wait. Wrong post. Anyway. Lulu digressing again, to keep from crying.

I don't usually write posts this long, but even after letting this one sit for a while, I still want to put it out there. You'll see why....

So I just got back from flying Mom home after her week with us, and I'm feeling pretty blue. At this point, I never know if she'll make it back another time, and I hate those goodbyes. We had a very nice week, even though she still has that momadar - you know, that radar that makes her ears quiver, I swear! - when she knows that I'm trying to hide something from her. So every time I tried to slip away and blog, she would come upstairs to see what I was doing and hello! - she still reads just fine. So I had to shut down for a bit. I didn't want her to think that I was writing about her, c'mon. ILMMIKS86GOMB.

And after a day or two - I just focused on her and our time together anyway. It was interesting to see how my world slowed down a bit as I postponed blogging and crafting and watching reality TV for a week, just to be with her. And it was good for both of us. We mostly hung out at home, just talking....I was even finding old pictures for her to view, hoping that the pictures and places would tease out stories, even if I've heard them before. Several times. :) But you know, I'll be even more sad when I can't hear her voice anymore....

We shopped, had mani-pedis, did lunch, had dinner with some old friends, shopped, hung out, and shopped. And we did make her watch AGT, although 'make' would be a strong word. It's not like I tied her to the couch or anything - she's tiny enough to slip the ropes :), but she got right into the spirit of it anyway.

I think she finally relaxed by the end of the week. Which is why I hate thinking of her alone again at home.

She was a bit nervous when she got here, and it irritated me at first - she steps aside for everyone as we walk through the airport or the mall, she apologizes for everything, even when there is nothing that she's done to warrant blame. She's always been so feisty and tough - most people would describe her as a firecracker, full of energy. I hate to see her subvert that part of her personality.

The problem is that there are people in her life, that want her to damp down her personality, to make her be quiet, to stop working and stop trying to please people, to stop trying to take care of everyone. People that seem to take pleasure in being mean to her, deliberately mean, just because they can, because she's more vulnerable now as it's harder for her to hear, and maybe she repeats herself more often than they would like. She can't really fight back against their harsh words, because she thinks if she were just different or better, maybe they wouldn't be mad at her.

And I know that no one's perfect - my mom would not describe herself as the perfect June Cleaver mom by any means. If she'd been born in a different place and time, she might have pursued different challenges in life - I could definitely see her as a CEO! But she was - and still defines herself as a teacher, even at her age, and that's important to her. She's done the best she can to be a mom, a wife, a teacher, a sibling, a friend, based on her experiences and talent and strengths and with how she was raised - just like everyone else in life!

I watch her, watching me talk, or watching the manicurist or the salesperson or the TSA at the airport - and every day, she's trying to reassimilate into a world that's increasingly bewildering and harder to comprehend, and she's doing a pretty damn good job.

But as I write this, the tears are flowing because I can't keep her safe from those who will hurt her, as of course! - those hurtful words aren't said in front of me, and she doesn't want me to take them on because it will make matters worse.

Here's my warning to them, not that they'll find me here, but still.

Step back from the Mom. Hear me? Let me repeat myself. Just step away, leave her alone and nobody gets hurt. If I hear of one more word, one more exasperated sigh, one more mean-spirited comment - I will cut loose on you. You will be very very sorry. I know things about you, things that you do not want to get out. You will regret it.

OK. Got it out. Thanks for listening.

Now on to the happy tears - my niece delivered the twins....and they ARRRRREEEE.....boys. Yup, two good-sized boys. So no one was baby psychic except W, who said that each one would be a baby. YAYYYYYYYYY!!! Happy Dance, OTT, Woo HOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Hey. Did I mention that I'm back?

My Mom Is Getting Shorter

So I picked Mom up on Friday for a week of Grandma Summer Camp here in NC.  And she's getting shorter, as if she wasn't already qualified to be the grandma on a TLC show.

Also, I have a new Travel Rule based on the six flights in three days that I completed on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

So much to post - pay attention!

First - Mom.  She'll be here allllllllll week.  Yep.  I get to spend 9 days with her, all 4'9" of her spunky, over 85-yr-old self (she won't let me publish her age :)).   Lots of stories to come, most of which I've heard.  And heard, and heard and did I tell you that already, Honey?

*CAVEAT to the Karma peeps:  I love my mom, I'm very extremely lucky that I still have her, and that she is in pretty good shape both physically and mentally - lives alone! - and really happy to have the opportunity for GSC.  So whatever I post about any 'fun' or 'issues' or 'humor' this week - just remember that, ok?  Don't send me posts trying to make me feel guilty that I intend to mine some humor here, right people?

Thanks.  Just in case you forget - I'll post a little acronym at times - ILMMIKS86GOMB.  ( I love my mom I know she's 86 get off my back).  Right.  Ok.  Back to the movie.

Anyway - she started out life at about 5'2" and I think she's down to about 4'9."  I have to go measure.   But she's napping on the couch, after we had a slight tiff about her nutritional habits.  Yes, I'm arguing with her about her eating - she only wants the "smallest, teeniest, little half-bowl of soup for lunch.  With a few crackers.  That's all, honey - I'm so full from breakfast."

Actually, she did have breakfast.  And a handful of crackers.  And some chocolate.  And a few cookies.  And some hummus.  And some more crackers.  And some pretzels stuffed with cheese product.  And another half cookie.  And one grape (because I bugged her to have fruit).

Washed down with some iced tea.

All of which raised her blood sugar quickly, and then caused her to fall asleep on the couch.  After which, she'll wake up, and we'll start the argument around dinner - because she'll only want the smallest, teeniest bite of meat, and two spoonfuls of maybe some applesauce.

But then she and Mr. Lulu will be snackin' away on the couch after dinner........

Why?  Why?  Other people have moms who start an entirely new business at age 75 and leave their kids a gozillion bucks.  Mine - is channeling a skinny teenager who thinks she's too fat but will eat junk food.  Didn't I already go through this with two daughters???  What's next - diet pills??  If she eats any less or loses any more weight this week, I'll be able to cash in that return plane ticket and have her sit on my lap.

Hmmm.....Mom, did I mention that those grapes have extra fat in them??

ILMMIKS86GOMB.

Deep breath in, hold it hold it.......annnnnnnd....let it out.  Wooooosaaaaaa.

So - a new travel rule.  Change of topic.

Again - the theme is Be Curious....

Mr. Traveler?  When you use the back of the airplane seat to leverage yourself in and out of your seat and then you lean on it sooo heavily, and let it go, be curious about the type of x-rays that will be needed to diagnose whiplash for the person sitting in that seat as their head boings around.

I'm not saying, I'm just saying......