I'm WELL

...well, not so good actually. But as Mom was a grammar goddess, she terrorized...ummmmm, I mean she influenced entire generations to use correct grammar, and this was a particular pet peeve....when someone asks how you are, you answer politely - I'm well, thank you.

Not, I'm good. Or I suck. She really hated that.

She diagrammed - no, not diaphragmed, she was not a greinacologist - she taught hundreds of kids how to diagram sentences.

And I have to admit that I still suck at it, Mom!

So that's good.

:)

How are you dooooin?

This is what I'm most often asked, after someone says that they're sorry for my mom's death. And I don't know quite how to answer that. Some days I can barely put one foot in front of the other, and other days I'm ok. I just didn't know that grief could be so palpable, and so physical....

On the other hand, I have some not-so-immediate relatives starting to circle a bit, letting me or my siblings know how much they did for my mom, and how many times they invited her over.....riiiiiiiight. Because then it's oh so casually asked - "so what are you doing with her house and her things?"

Day-ummm. I should be writing about my mom and about our sibling pinkyswear - day 10 and still holding - and instead, I'm writing about relative crap. Relatively speaking.

Seriously folks? Go ask Brother McStonewall, the sibling just above me in age, and the executor of mom's estate. Go ahead - ask him what's going on with mom's estate. What's that? You're afraid of him?

So that's good.

My Mom

Ohh.....my friends.

I have been gone from life, from blogging, from work, for two weeks, because I have been with my mom and my family.

My mom suffered a heart attack and then some more attacks, and then - surrounded by family, she died on June 27. I could use the euphemism, passed away - which I have used lately, but really - it's ok to say that she died. And well, actually, she was with only my brother at the moment of her passing death, because we had to clear the room and leave just my brother with her to let her know that it was ok to go, because when the five of us (my siblings) and our spouses (making the ten of us) and my aunt and uncle (her only surviving sibling out of five - oh, the symmetry :)) making the twelve of us - well, when we were all in the room, she wouldn't go.

Because my mom loved a party. And gossip. And chat. She loved to be in the know and with it and frankly, she always wanted to be cool. In fact, we buried her with the new open-toe sandals she'd purchased just a month ago, the better to show off her hot pink pedicure in the afterlife.

And yes, I do have to pause to sob a bit as this is typed, even as I sound flippant. The best offense against crippling grief is a good humorous defense, right?

As I write this and most of my posts over the next few days / weeks, I hope you come to know my mom. Because she was ahead of her time AND because she was an English teacher who even now, is probably hating that I just started some sentences with 'because' and 'and.' And yet, she would be so proud that I have a blog and I'm writing. :)

She was in pain and had suffered heart damage that was unrecoverable, yet - she didn't want to leave, because we were chatting about our memories and she clearly was trying to hear us. So my brother took the hit for the family team and stayed to hold her hand and let her know that she could leave us for that great classroom in the beyond.

I have to say - I never really knew that grief could leave a physical hole in the center of one's self. I miss my dad......but the fact that I can never again call my mom and ask her about the potato salad recipe or the correct way to write a thank you note for a hideous gift, or the proper response to a daughter when she has an issue with a mean girlfriend at age 30 when really, we all thought that the mean girls club ended after 8th grade....I am wrecked with the physical and mental grief.

But my siblings and I - the legacy she left us - among many other gifts - was the ability to be tough. And we pinky swore to stick together, and today is day 7 of the pinkyswear.

So that's good.

Open Letter to my Bloggy Friends

...because it's all been so very secret and closed, before????.....

So you may have noticed that I've been persona non blogga lately. In fact, not one post for the last 19 days.

This new global job is kicking my butt (LOTS of travel), I'm trying to support my family long distance (Life-changing events for two of my siblings) and mostly, when I have some free time, I am either enjoying the very hot summer or crafting / painting / sewing creating. It's so different from corporate life and I find that I need to tune out of email/blogging and make stuff with my hands, other than typing my silly posts about birds.

(Oh, and the bird? Comes back while I'm out of town. Guess Mr. Lulu is not fierce enough.)

And I feel really guilty about it. Until today. I remembered that this is my blog and if I want to post every day or minute or hour I can, and if I want to take a break for other stuff, that's ok too.

So I think I'll have a little summer break.

I'll still lurk on all y'all's blogs and sometimes, I even have a chance to comment.

And I'll blog at least once a week, even if it is to post more of my work and to promote my etsy store. I still have lots of topics, and I might even be funny....if my mojo comes back.

But if you miss me, just imagine this - I'll be the girl with the very large mint vodka tonic and paint smears on my face, with the paint/fabric/paper stuff scattered around, hanging out on my porch and at our beach place....and I'll drink a little toast to you all!

And don't forget that Dave Mathews is a prophet...

I forgot one of the most popular search terms. Apparently, Dave has another job, writing scripture...

anyway...I think. It might be....could be....possibly...potentially, perhaps.

the bird might be gone. What's that???

the bird might be gone.

What????

I saiiiiiddddd....

The Bird is gooooooooonnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee!!!!

Yes, indeedy. Which is so much more true that just...indeed. INDEEDY.

We've gone almost 48 hours with no bird poop on the furniture, no beak marks on the window, no disarray of the flowers.

Apparently, bird / window mating season is over, and somewhere, little birdies with fragile, glassy wings and painted wood trim legs are being hatched. Somewhere - away from me.

Because we took the nest out of the fern too - Ha!

Bird 1 Lulu 2!!

How do YOU find Lulu's Sandbar?

Some words to find Lulu by......as evidenced by the search words used by my readers...aka, the unauthorized google analytics....

Lobster Bacon - this is a popular phrase. Sometimes it's bacon lobster. (Lulu - always salty, always delicious)

All the Single Ladies Dance - very popular for a while, I can always tell when there's been a televised item about some little kids dancing to Beyonce. ( Lulu, the Dancing Queen)

eTrade Baby - there's an uptick around the time of major sporting events (Dude, that's my Lulu!)

what to wear when traveling to Michigan in October - ummmmm. Yeah. I think this combines all of my posts. (Midwestern Lulu)

Lulu or Sandbar or Bar - well, obvious. I didn't realize how popular 'Lulu' is as a name for sites, and for bars, apparently. (Cocktails for Lulu!)

Oh - and I'm adding a new count to my posts.

Lulu Held Hostage - Day 58. Yes, the bird is still banging.

Apparently, you CAN go home again....

....but only after 30 years. Well, ok, I've only been gone for 7 years, and I've been back back a lot; however, I always spend my visits with family, and rarely get the opportunity to see old friends.

This weekend was graduation partypalooza, with two nephew parties to attend. Added to that was a fundraiser / mini-reunion with about 50 high school classmates...yeah, my voice was left out of my carryon! Actually, there were about 25-30 former classmates with assorted spouses/friends/partners added on.... We were remembering a friend who passed away in November - he was my date for our Homecoming dance :-/ - and raising some funds for his wife and kids.

I had almost a visceral reaction as the plane landed - I was worried about family issues at the graduations and worried about not measuring up, somehow, at the reunion...

But it was good!

We are all a bit wrinkly, with various amounts of pounds, hair and baggage...but it was great to see everyone - no old crap brought up, just memories. No talk about careers, no trying to outdo each other, no judgment....just food and adult beverages and laughter.

Mom.....Mom is another story. For another post. For what I think will be a lot of posts, as we move into a world of making lifestyle adjustments to preserve her independence, but make sure that she's safe and cared for....sigh.

Life transitions. Maybe I'll change my blog title. But - I'll be swimming into a lot of unknowns soon and trying to find purchase on a a sandbar where the tides of life will be shifting.

I have a wedding friend who is NOT graduating!

And that's good, because apparently, I need to get back to my bloggy friends, who I've neglected for so long. You can find her blog here, at Inspirational Laddu. It's a beautiful site...thanks Samm!

So. I also got a lot into that title. Much to catch up!

I'm back from my trip and guess who was here the entire time, to keep Mr. Lulu company? You got it - it's the kamikaze robin. I've had a suggestion to nail up rubber snakes from the window pane, to scare him away.

I know that I can only scare him away because he can't have any more poop to be scared out of him - it's all over my porch furniture.

So all of you Pleasantville neighbors who think my front porch is so so pretty, with all of my 11 pots of flowers and my two gorgeous hanging ferns?

Get ready for snakeyes.

And if that doesn't work, take the kiddies away for the day, because I'm taking out a hit on the bird.

Don't worry, Peta! I'm going to just pop his little feathered butt with an air gun.

Or stun gun.

Just kidding....right?

Also, is it graduation time for all y'all? I have three family high school graduation parties this year - couldn't all those sisters-in-law have planned a bit better and spaced them all out? Sheesh.

Of course, I do get props for flying in for the festivities, and the big events are all conveniently scheduled within one weekend. So I got that going for me.

And Joanna always has good stuff on her blog and she's ahead of me with her graduation post. She's asking about advice on a graduation card for her niece, and she got some solids from her bloggy friends, so I thought I'd post my graduation advice here as well.

Wear sunscreen.
Forgive.
Be relentlessly cheerful when you feel like crap.
French fries do TOO make you feel better when hungover.
Listen.
Be curious.
When you're about to do something dangerous/scary/stupid - think about the look on your parents' faces when they read about it in the newpaper / on a bathroom wall / in Playboy.
Have enough fun to break lots of hearts.
Love enough to get your own heart broken.
Own your actions, your soul, your studies, your love, your body, your life - don't give your power away to anyone else.
Live your own life - all the others are taken.
A morning without coffee is like...sleep.

Oh the places you'll go! Read Dr. Seuss.

That's all I've got, but it's worked pretty well.

Oh - and for guys graduating?

Dude. You'll rock.

Peace out

It's almost time for summer vacation again - may have to post the travel rules soon.

So ummmm. Yeah. Just some thoughts. Friday mind farts, you might say.

Monday Morning

...and although I'm traveling again (short trip, in the U.S.) I resolve to be relentlessly cheerful today.

So beware.

And please check out my etsy store! I have some cute new stuff there - go ahead and buy it and pretend that you made it and gift it to someone! I won't tell....

Happy Day

...to everyone who is a mom, who has a mom, who has been a mom in a previous life, who wants to be a mom, who hates being a mom but still does it well, who wishes their mom was alive this day, who struggles with mom (hang in there) and especially to all of those women - and men - who do the mom job so well, whether or not they have the official title.

You Rock!