"" Lulu's Sandbar: February 2009
Welcome to my sand bar - trying to push past my boundaries and serve up humorous observations on life...

Saturday, February 28, 2009


Two posts for me in one day is a bit unusual.  But I've been reading some of my regulars on the blogroll, and it just seems like this is the longest winter we've all experienced in many many years.  And everyone is trying not to complain, and to be appreciative for what we have, and hopeful for the future and blah blah blah.  

But no one seems to be in a good place.  Seriously - no one seems to be happy or even just content.

Is it the weather?  The dismal economy?  The fear that seems to be hanging over all, the fear of losing what we have that keeps us from taking risks?  The continued media harping on the nonexistent feud between Jennijohn and Brangelina?  Being happy for Kate Winslet while being over her at the same time?  The "can't look but can't look away from the car crash" that is the Octuplet Mom?

Ok, I'm being a bit facetious.  I know that people are genuinely down and depressed and a bit flat, and I certainly have my moments.  In fact, I don't talk about those moments - many of them at Huge McNormous - specifically because I'm a bit fearful and superstitious and careful. 

But to all of my blogger friends - and I think you all know who you are - I'm reading and I care about you and hope for the best for all y'all.  I might not always comment - although I intend to start doing so much more often - but I hear you.  Hang in....

Fat Quarters

As opposed to Fat Tuesday.  Which feels like every day for me, really, not just this week - even though I've been working out and eating right and trying to reduce my cholesterol.  But this message is not about the 'I'm so fat' voice in my head.  And I digress.

I'm obsessed with these little quarters of fabric goodness!!  It is a rainy gloomy icky day and I have cascades of material to cut and sew and glue.....OTT!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Top Chef IS......not Carla....:(

So bummed....Carla, girlfriend - you are the tops in my book!  You might have had an off-night, but you still rock.  Hosea...eh.  Whatever.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

My Reality Shows are dueling tonight

The leftover hour from 'Biggest Loser' is on tonight, as is the 'Top Chef' finale.  Hmmmm.....weight loss vs gourmet food.  Fat-free vs Butter.  Low-cal vs Bacon.  Steamed vs Fried.

I'm so conflicted.   I want to run in place while watching one show, and throw some olive oil and fat into the frying pan while watching the other.

Prolly, the best compromise is to run to the kitchen for more wine, then step lunge to the couch, then hop to bed, all while carrying the remote controller (the troller, as my grandson calls it, very appropriate, I love to troll the channels) and balancing my wine by tightening my core.....yes.  The perfect balance.

Brown chicka brown COWWWWW, shankapottamus!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

"Brownchicka brown cowwwwww...."

....sung in that singsongy porn kind of noise....

Imagine this coming from a cute little four-year-old as he bobs his head while singing this under his breath.  I'm told that this particular tuneless kind of humming is for recognizing a certain kind of ummm....lady.  So imagine me seeing him twanging his way through the tune.  And then he clicks his tongue because he can't quite make snap his fingers yet.

And then he turns from the computer and gives me the smarmy shooting finger-lounge singer motion....

Hilarious and too cute. 

Until he's 16.  Then - not so much.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

WhaT??? Wednesday???

How can it be Wednesday?  I mean, yes, I already saw Amazing Race (TAR, best ever), and then I watched The Bachelor (because one of the 'ettes is from my hometown and I actually know her family), and then I watched Biggest Loser.....oh.  Yeah.  That brings me to Wednesday.  Top Chef night.

Sighhhh.  I've officially become defined by my TV habits.  I feel like a golden oldie, getting my little scoop of ice cream ready for my after dinner reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond, my tissue box and my crocheting by my side.  

Not really.  

I don't eat ice cream much. :)

But good lord, M and I went out for dinner last weekend with some older golf buddies and their wives, and there was actually a 10 minute discussion whereby two of the couples were regaling each other with their favorite reruns of CSI and Two and a Half Men and Law and Order (how LaO reruns must there BE out there, anyway - about a gozillion, I think).

And I was feeling a little self-righteous, almost a bit Miss Smuggyish, about the conversation in a "I'm so happenin' with my bad pop culture self, yo" until I realized that I give my employees a reality show review every DAY.  Details about the participants, thoughts about the challenges, tirades against the beyatches in the group.  

They do listen and appreciate it though!  I think.   Except....well.  I did notice that more of them are having to 'eat at their desk,' and needing to 'run out to do an errand' and having to 'get caught up with the janitor' and scheduling appointments to 'get the bamboo sticks inserted under their fingernails' lately.

Maybe I should send a daily email to keep them updated!  Ohhhhh.....they'll be so happy.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


As you know, I'm not a big fan of the V-Day - as opposed to the vajayjay - but while I was zipping around the local card store randomly throwing cards into my purse - I paid for them! - I came across my new favorite birthday card.  Thank you, Hallmark Shoebox!

Because I deleted my twitter gadget for lack of use, I'm going to just lulu-stream this post...

Quite possibly the best reality show around returns tonight - The Amazing Race.  And my fives and sevens of readers know that I will break into a Woooo Hoooo!!! and OTTs abound!!  when this is on.  So shush shush like a mouse during the show, ok?

WHY do I watch the Food Network on the weekends when I'm trying to lose weight?  It's just like biting into a pound of butter.....I gained 5 elbees watching the Ultimate Recipe Showdown tonight.  Seriously!  I only had a lettuce leaf for dinner.

I'm obsessed with buttons and ribbons and material and paint.  Yet - I still have at least 15 unfinished projects scattered about 'the studio.'  I need a closer.  A project closer.   

I have now just edited this post four times.  I can't even close out my own blog!


Friday, February 13, 2009


With apologies to romantics.....
How do I hate thee, Valentine's Day?  Let me count the ways.  
Days in advance to get cards and prepare - 10
Days that I got home late from work and didn't buy cards - 9
Days in advance that cards and gifts need to be sent to three different states - 5
Days in advance that it was done - 0
Number of minutes spent in line at card store - 15
Number of cards bought - 15
Number of cards that will actually make it to recipients - 2
Number of minutes spent in guilt, self-bashing - 30
Number of adult bevvies needed to get over guilt - 4

Yup, 100 ways to hate this holiday.  But really, it's just a hangover from Christmas / New Year's, when I'm usually all humbuggy but was in a pretty good mood this year so I guess that the holiday gods are karmaing my butt...

Yeah, I need to keep hibernating.  with bevvies.  watching 'The Shining' on Bravo.  nothing says romantic like crazy Jack and redrum redrum REDRUM!!!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Mea Culpa Housewives!

I owe the Pleasantville Housewives an apology.  So....I'm sorry.   You probably don't get me but still - you did call and ask me to come to bunco, because I'm not traveling this week.  And although I know that I was way down on the sub list, because I've never actually played before, you sucked up a little by telling me that you missed me.  

Yeah, I fell for it.  And it was actually kind of fun.  There was wine and cheese and a mindless game and lots of gossip.  And I made a new friend, I think - she just moved into the neighborhood, she's originally from the same part of the country as me and she seems to be smart and funny.

And we mocked / simultaneously dissected the current reality shows so she's got that going for her.

Man - I am having a tough time coming out of hibernation this year!  I'm trying - I'm working out, eating pretty well - c'mon diet gods, throw a girl a few-pound weight loss, wouldja???

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Spring Crazy

It's crazy-warm here today - sunny and almost 70 degrees.  Next door there are about six little neighbor boys playing baseball in the backyard and they all have their shirts off.  Is there anything funnier than twitchy skinny little guys male-bonding over sports and showing off their scrawny muskils?

Of course, three of them tried to sell me tattoos last year - they would color on me with markers for the low low price of a quarter per tattoo.  When I asked if they'd had any takers in the neighborhood for this very Ron Popielish offer, they said that they were only going to sell it to me.....not sure if they think I'm just a sucker for their charms or I'm a marker tattoo kind of neighbor but either way, not a bad offer for a woman of my age.

Anyway -

While I love the nice weather (sorry Midwest!).....I'm not sure I'm ready for it yet.  I still have some sitting by the fire-cranking up the heat-making comfort food like mac and cheese with bacon, and roast chickeny stuff-kind of days left in me before I bust out the shorts and the spider veins coverup.

Apologies to all of you who are ready to snarl at me, Overlook Hotel-Jack Torrance-style because you have no hope that the snow glaciers in your parking lots will melt before June.   I understand cabin fever.

I just need to lose three  years worth of weight and cholesterol gain before I can feel springy.  Literally.

Monday, February 2, 2009


I laugh every time I watch this e*trade baby golf ad - hilarious!!!!

It was a good game, but I am a little disappointed that the Cardinals lost.   Bruce rocked it out - thought he wasn't going to be able to get back up when he did the backbend at the microphone!

I'm soooo tired - who schedules a 7 am dentist appointment on the Monday after the Super Bowl?! You'd think I played in the game....

Sunday, February 1, 2009

She's now Miss Smuggy McPeppermintPants.....

Because I walked into the gym yesterday, and there she was, my new archnemesis, standing at the first sink  and leaning in close to the mirror while blowdrying her hair.  Apparently she IS good at multitasking because while standing there she was also buttflossing with her green and white striped candy-colored thong. 

Now, I have nothing against thongs, even though I don't wear them -they're just too uncomfortable for me.  And don't tell me that the brand makes the difference because y'all, a wedgie is still a wedgie, even if it's done with a big name thong.

No, what she was doing is irritating because it's against gym locker room code.  You don't leave your wet towels on the benches, you shut your locker doors while you're in the shower, you share space at the lighted mirrors, and you wear at least your bra and some shorts/pants while you're standing at the sink blowdrying.  Especially if you're wearing your flavored thong.


Happy Super Sunday!