"" Lulu's Sandbar: Mosaic Farookas
Welcome to my sand bar - trying to push past my boundaries and serve up humorous observations on life...

Friday, September 4, 2009

Mosaic Farookas

Exchange with my very nice, extremely smart doctor:

Dr. Smarty: "Huh. Yup, you have kind of a rash there, on your elbow."

Lulu: "Yeah, and it really feels like I was bitten-"
Dr. Smarty: "Nope."

Lulu: "Yes, I felt a stingi-"
Dr. Smarty: "Nope."

Lulu: "But I felt like a stinging and I slapped my arm and then-"
Dr. Starting to be Irritating Smarty: "Uhhhh no."

Lu Starting to be Irritated Lu: "STOP with the noping!!! I'm still pretty new to the SOUTH and I KNOW there are brown recluse spiders and this friend of mine got bitten in Maryland one time and he didn't notice it right awaaaaaay! And his wife had to takehimtotheERandhealmost DIEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

*Breathing hard, still holding elbow up for inspection, starting to sweat (although that could just be a hot flash, different doctor need altogether) and glaring at Dr. Irritating McSmartyPants*

Dr IMSP: "It's not spider bites."

Panicking Lulu: (gasp gasp) "What?"
Voice starting to echo in my head: "It's its not not not spider bites bites..."

Panic rising Lulu: "Is it a TICK?? DO I HAVE LYME DISEASE!!?? Do I have malaria, yellow fever, dengue fever, Japanese B encephalitis, filariasis, leishmaniasis, chagas disease(caused by ASSASIN BUGS!) typhus or the PLAGUE???????!!!!"

Voice of James Earl Jones coming from overhead: "Luuuuuuulu. I'm not your faaaaathuh and you DO NOT have ANY BUG BITE DISEASE AT ALL!! Stop reading WebMD!"

Lulu: "Oh."
Red-faced Lulu: (mumbling). "Then ahhh. It's just a rash, right? No big deal? (nervous chuckle) Just - it'll go away, right?"

Dr. McSmartyPants: "Yeah, it's fine. YOU'll be fine. It will go away."

Dr. Smirking McSmartyPants: "Unless it's mosaic farookas."


(Yeah, bet he'll need some 'topical ointment' now too - for that stab wound I gave him with the tongue depressor....)

Enjoy a bug-free weekend!!


Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Lulu, I love that and I love you! I can picture it all. You have such a way with words.

Hope the rash is better and there are no spiders, ticks, or bugs anywhere near you!

Have a great weekend.


Logical Libby said...

This is why the only doctor I trust is Dr. Google.

diane said...

Hey, I was thinking about your hot flash and wondered if you were bitten by the love bug, in which case it's time to see Dr. Sandbar. he he.

Insanity Kim said...

Oh man, this was me when I found the flea in the house, and flea bites on us, and I called all the vets in town (we don't even have pets), telling them it came from the squirrels I was feeding and I wanted to know if we now had the plague...thankfully plague is only in the south-western united states...I can continue to worry about other things instead...

Lulu said...

(scratching) - thanks for the soooothing support...:)

FoN said...

LMAO....I have my PHd. from google, so I totally get your freaking out.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Hope your rash is better! Hope you have a great weekend!


w said...

i bet it was a spider bite. i can tell just by they way you describe the entire scenario.

i hope you get this message. and if you decide to come back as a ghost - like in ghost - could you somehow rig it so i could win the lotto?

thanks. peace out.