"" Lulu's Sandbar: Ummm...First Time in the Gym, Lady???
Welcome to my sand bar - trying to push past my boundaries and serve up humorous observations on life...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ummm...First Time in the Gym, Lady???

So.  A workout tale.

Once upon a time, there was a girl.   Uh - a mature-ish girl. Ok - a woman.  Once upon a time there was a woman....let's call her Lulu.  Our ummmm..."friend" Lulu.  Ok - it's me.

And I went to the gym to do a 30 minute, high-energy interval workout on the treadmill. (OH and I saw Miss Smuggy McWorkout Pants in the locker room who turns out to be a TRAINER at the gym but that's another story). 

I was so focused on my workout that I didn't even notice the people on the treadmills around me.  (Except for maybe the guy in front of me, who was really working it but whose butt looked a bit like two bulldogs fighting to get out of a sack, but really - it was more a wardrobe malfunction with some skeevy shorts than him being out of shape but AGAIN with the digressing....sorry).  

I was focused because at higher speeds, I can sometimes trip on the treadmill and I really REALLY didn't want to do a face plant on the treadmill, in front of all of the people running in tandem on the treadmills.  (.....tandem treadmills....new business venture? -STOP WITH THE SIDE NOTES!)

So.  Focus.  

I finished my workout, and I'm feeling kind of smuggy myself, because I ran a good solid workout and surely - the people tandem treadmilling all around are inpressed!  Not that I work out competitively or anything... but still.

So I hop off the treadmill and walk about four treadmill rows ahead of mine to get a wet wipe out of the wall canister to wipe down the treadmill handles.  When I came back, this guy had jumped on the treadmill and was already running hard.  So I smiled, and said "Hey, let me wipe this down for you," and start trying to wipe the handles and he said "No problem, don't worry about it," and I said "Cool...," I grab my towel, wipe my face, nod, smile, and leave.  

I get to the stairs and realize that I've left my workout jacket with my locker key in it just by my treadmill, so I walk back over in front of the treadmill and start looking around it.  I ask the guy - who's totally into his run by now - if he's seen my jacket.  He looks around his feet, says that he hasn't seen it, shrugs, keep running.

I'm ticked at myself, I'm thinking "Crap - now I  have to find an employee, get to the lost and found, etc."  As I start to walk away, the guy on the OTHER side of my treadmill guy motions to me and points to the treadmill to his left.

Yup.  There's my jacket and my towel.  On my treadmill.  With no one else on it.  At all.

I have just tried to wipe down the treadmill of a strange guy while he's running and solicited his help to find my jacket - who has been working out FOR THE ENTIRE TIME that I've been there.

We all kind of chuckle, I wipe down my treadmill, grab my towel and jacket and leave.

As I pass the clean towels just before the stairs, I reach to wipe off my sweaty brow and realize.....I have two towels. 

My towel.  And the guy's towel.  Which I have grabbed out of the little holder on his treadmill and used to wipe my face after I tried to wipe his treadmill off and look for my jacket - all while he's trying to just finish his damn run.

And allll of this is witnessed by the now completely unimpressed, but highly entertained, tandeming treadmillers.

So I got a clean towel, walked over to the guy - AGAIN - tucked the towel into the slot and said, "Yeah....not really my first time at the gym rodeo...." and got out of there, leaving a trail of laughter behind me.

It's all Miss Smuggy's fault somehow, I'm sure.

6 comments:

w said...

hahahahaahahahah. shoot. i pulled a muscle laughing.

dude. i told you i'd help you dip her thong in tabasco.

Insanity Kim said...

I cried for you, after I laughed.

Treadmills are eeeeeeeeevil.

I was just on one last week. Next to this college-aged guy. And this reality show was on. And pigs were being chased. And the one pig, well, his thing was hanging out, all gross and curly and purple. And they kept showing it and laughing. And the guy next to me was laughing. I was not laughing. I was horrified. I hate treadmills.

Heart of a Cowgirl said...

OH, that is great! The best part is that you have a super sense of humor about the whole thing! Hey, if we can't laugh at ourselves...

Miss Yvonne said...

Oh my gosh, I LOVE this story!! I'm laugh so hard right now...I'm so glad you blogged about it.

Lulu said...

I actually went back tonight.....with a bag over my head. Tripping potential high, when you can only watch your steps out of one eye hole!

Gwen said...

i actually chuckled at this. you know, for real. not just a fake lol.

and, uh, better you than me. my idiocy in the presence of others is one reason i hesitate to join a gym.