"" Lulu's Sandbar: When is it ok to be me?
Welcome to my sand bar - trying to push past my boundaries and serve up humorous observations on life...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

When is it ok to be me?

I think I'm creative, even though I won't be featured in the Met anytime soon, nor will I ever hit a record number of sales with my art anytime soon.

I think I'm funny, even though I could never do standup.

I think I'm a good person, even if I have to be Corporate Lulu at work, and some people don't like it when I make them follow the plan...

I think I'm a good sibling and daughter and mom, even though my family life is challenged.

So why don't I ever post how I really feel about politics, or work or my family?  Because my mom taught me that it's best really, to be nice.

Nice.   Niiiiiiiice.  Nissssssse. nicenicenicenice.  A good girl, a nice woman.  Oh Lulu?  Ohhhhh...she's so so nice.

(Ummmm.  Not really, but it's hard to out myself - my mom will NEVER ever see this blog, but I have that fear that someday, someone from work or family will stumble upon my little part of the sandbar and then - they'll KNOW that I'm not nice at all.)

I started this blog to find creative, funny people to talk with, and it feels as if I'm still hiding behind my nice facade, and what I have to say is so uninteresting because I'm too nice.   I also started it to talk about Etsy and art and creativity and stuff, and I find myself more worried about creating ART THAT WILL SELL.

wow...the black dog is shaking me all over the room tonight!!

If only I were thin.  Sighhhh...

Wait - that's another post entirely.


Happy Sunday anyway!  Amazing Race is on tonight, so maybe a good dose of reality TV will cheer me up.


Angie Kelly Designs said...

Hey Lu, ♥

I feel the SAME way, which is why I actually have another blog. A blog no one knows about but me. I use it to vent my frustrations and say whatEVER I want! Its liberating for sure. I mean, I try to be "nice" on my blog, mainly because its attached to my shop and I know for a fact some of my family members visit. But I'm not happy- go-lucky everyday. Some days I really wanna "go off"; have a bad day; wanna gripe about my boss, etc. Now I can! :o) I chose another blog because I didn't want to go to a therapist; I didn't want to "write" in a journal (typing's so much quicker!) and online blogging is so much more convenient for me.

Anyway, I know exactly how you feel and wanted you to know you're not alone.

SUPER BIG Hugs!! :o)
Have a great day tomorrow; glad you're back!

Lulu said...

Thanks, Ang - your messages always cheer me up. I'm actually thinking about another blog, but...trying so hard to keep this one up to date, keep the store full AND do my day job, which also involves about 200 emails per day....not nearly enough time.

But it's really a good idea!

Gwen said...

It's a conundrum, isn't it? I often post blogs that I think reveal too much of my inner bitch and then walk around cringing all day long. But so much of my real life is spent being "nice" that every now and then a little blog reality has to be okay. I think. I hope.

Lulu said...

Gwen, I really enjoy reading your blog, and actually wrote my blog entry after I read your wonderful entry about Lucy and her moods....you share your world in such a great way - as does Lotta - and I want to be able to lose my fear of opening up that way.

BTW - the substitute teacher badge? Sooo much better than the average driver license photo...:)